I’ve weighed 124 pounds and I’ve weighed close to 200 pounds. Fortunately, the lose-gain rollercoaster ended for me over 15 years ago now….though I have changed sizes a couple of times through conscious measures.
I said in a recent newsletter that I’m contemplating losing 10 pounds. I know that those who have a lot to lose are probably scoffing—you’re a size 6 or maybe 8, tops. I understand that response because I’ve been there. When I was a size 18, I was dying to be a size 10 and I was sure with every ounce of my being that I’d be happy there. But when I got to a 10, I wanted to be a 6,…then a 2. When I managed to muster myself to a 2 (for all of 15 seconds, eating so ridiculously healthfully that I couldn’t even go out with friends, on a business dinner, or go on a trip for Biggest Loser fear I wouldn’t be able to get “my food”), I realized that my body just wasn’t meant to be that small and that I was at least as unhappy as I was when I was a 14. I realized that having that body was a sacrifice so great that it actually lessened the overall quality of my life. Now I’m happy. I’m accepting of myself, my strengths and my limitations ….and I’ve been contemplating losing 10 pounds for months. 
That may sound like a contradiction, but (at least for me), it’s not. I am truly happy. That’s why I say, I’m “contemplating”. I know the commitment it takes to lose 10 pounds. And I haven’t acted on it because I haven’t wanted it badly enough to make the sacrifices I know I’d need to make. Sure I flippantly say, “I want to lose 10 pounds so I look on camera like I look in person” and when I say it, I really do mean it. But the truth is that my body is very comfortable where it is and I manage to “have it all” right now. I don’t really struggle and I’m not obsessed and it’s been that way for the better part of 11 years now….THANK God!
I haven’t really taken action (beyond contemplating), I think, for a few reasons. 1. I hate working out: I lost all of my weight up to the point I was a size 6, never having set foot in a gym. And even when I did start going to the gym, I wanted it to be challenging, but also entertaining or fun. (I have NO idea how the Contestants do it!) 2. I start pretty much every lecture or cooking demo I do with, “I’ve lost over 55 pounds and kept it off for over 15 years AND I eat chocolate every day.” I do this not only because I LOVE chocolate and have insane cravings for it, but I do it because I believe you want me to. We American’s (myself included) want to hear that we can eat our favorite foods and still be healthy. In my view, we can! So I do. 3. My career is incredibly time consuming (a peril that most of us face) and I constantly tell myself that I am doing a greater service to mankind (Tee! Hee!) if I spend more time in the kitchen creating recipes that will help you than “making time” for the gym. (never mind that that plays very nicely into #1, I do well to convince myself to skip workouts often). 4. I know how hard it is to follow a strict regimen and keep weight off if you don’t lose it by doing something you can do forever. Thus, I secretly fear that if I lose ten pounds publicly then gain it back publicly, I’m setting myself up for criticism. So I’ve found it “safer” not to try to lose.
They say it takes eating less and moving more to lose weight. And it’s true—damn! It really is a simple formula. Eat fewer calories and burn more calories and you (and I) will lose weight. Though I don’t actually believe that I NEED to lose weight, I do really want to. As I’m getting older, I’ve been longing to feel stronger. I also do worry, as I get more and more offers for bigger and bigger tv shows while hearing criticisms over healthy experts not being healthy enough—this happens to be permeating the news–that I really should lose the weight that the camera will add so I don’t spend time cringing in front of my tv. At the very least I want to gain muscle.
I’ve been tweeting lately about how I’ve been uninspired by my workouts. In the process, many of you have introduced me to P90X, “The Beach Body Program”. Don’t worry, I’m not going extreme on you and I’m only following the workouts, not the abandoning “The Most Decadent Diet Ever!” which allowed me to lose and maintain my weight to date. But I’m investing in the DVDs and I’m going to commit to doing them and then I’m going to share the results as a part of this blog (Don’t worry, this isn’t going to become an all P90X, all the time Blog). I’m going to attempt–with a lot more resolve than I “contemplate”—to follow the workout portion of the program for the next 90 days. And I’m going to commit to telling you about it along the way. Please note as you take this journey “with me”: I’m not affiliated with the company in any way and I am truly doing this as anyone would do, on the advice and example of friends who I adore and/or trust, hoping that this is an answer to transform my body even further. Oh, and please note that I am half terrified. 
Happy Cooking (& Eating!)
Devin
Ps: I’m in the process of moving over the next week or so, so I’m ordering the disks now and I’m going to start looking for a partner in crime (I may try to persuade one of the women who work with me to join me during lunch hour), so that as soon as I’m settled, I’m starting. If you happen to want to commit with me, and comment with your experiences, I project that I’ll be popping the first disk into the dvd player by the end of next week.